Weigh in Wednesday.

Wellllllllll... it's

I am super happy to say that I haven't gained any weight! Still sitting at 264. Which I am completely 100% fine with that, considering there is a war going on in my uterus.

This made me chuckle.

I am all bloated and blah. But, like I said, SUPER thankful there is no extra weight.

Last night we had a 'Ladies Night'. The Sister-In-Laws (Minus Kal) and I went to Fuzzy's Tacos, and to the movies. We saw The Other Woman. I saw mixed ratings on it. Let me tell you, BEST movie I have seen in a long time!! We were laughing throughout the whole thing. It was definitely a good choice. Plus it was nice to spend time as a family.

Yesterday I posted my Transformation Photos.

Specifically, this one.

The picture on the left was taken one month before my surgery. I was 317 lbs. This is absolutely the worst picture I have ever seen of me. I never saw myself THAT big. If I would have seen this picture back then, then maybe I would have realized?

I have gotten such incredible feedback regarding this photo. I almost question it, not necessarily the feedback, but myself. People are saying that I am inspiring, and how amazing that is. And I of course appreciate every single bit of it. But, I had surgery AND put on a little bit of weight back. Yes, I am losing it again. I guess I just don't know how to take things.

I never saw myself THAT big, but I also never see myself THAT 'small'. Our perceptions of ourselves are so distorted. I don't see myself as an inspiring person, because I allowed this to happen. I allowed myself to get that big. I allowed myself to get out of control. And still do a lot of the time. I feel like I am still learning who I am and what I want. I am 22. I have a experienced a lot in my life. And I have a lot more to go. I am going to embrace every bit that is thrown my way. 

This played on the movie last night. I fell in love. Absolutely beautiful.

I needed to see this face this morning. So, her mama sent me this. I bawled like a baby. Her onesie says it all. I am so in love with the baby girl. She is my Sun.

 Now I need to see my Queen Bee. And all will be right with the world.

And on that note, I must bid you adieu.

A Rant and A Transformation.

Yesterday at the gym, as I got out of my car, I hear very loud talking. I didn't really think anything of it, it's Joshua Texas, the only volume is loud. Then I heard FAT. Naturally, I whipped my head around. The two 'gentleman' then proceeded to say (indirectly of course) "Do some pushups, Lose weight before you come to the gym." 

I was incomplete shock. Are you freaking kidding me? 

1. Are you that damn ignorant? I am at the GYM to lose weight. That's what the GYM is for. 

2. You kind sir, are at a YMCA. If you want to get all 'swole' and shit, go to a REAL gym. Where there are muscleheads, not where the population is 70% old people. 

3. You're criticizing me for "not losing weight before I come to the gym", when you are just someones ride? Uhm no. 

4. Before you judge MY appearance, take a look in the mirror. Not only are you clearly white trash, but you have a horrendous mullet. Okay Billy Ray Cyrus, I'll be sure to take your advice to heart.

It didn't in any way hurt my feelings. It just pissed me off. The fact that someone is that ignorant, and that RUDE. I was all the way across the parking lot, and could hear him loud and clear. I am there to better MYSELF. For ME. No one else. I don't come to the gym to look pretty, I go to GET pretty. Yes, every one has an opinion. But let me tell you something.

YOU DON'T GET TO CALL ME FAT. I have busted MY ass. To not look like that ^^ I'd say I am doing a pretty damn good job. I have hit complete rock bottom, I will NEVER return there. And I damn sure will not let some douchebag bring me down. Everyone has their own struggles and their own insecurities, don't point them out. I am well aware that I have more work today. HENCE WHY I GO TO THE GYM. So, before you yell out your ignorant opinion, think. Think about what is coming out of your uneducated redneck ass. "Lose weight before you go to the gym"... Are you fucking stupid? And for your information. I have.

I have lost a full grown lab.

So, like I said. YOU don't get to call me fat. Nor does anyone else. The day that I give up completely, the day that I become the old me, is the day you get to judge, and give your harsh opinions. You'll be waiting for a very long time. I will NOT become that person again. I will not let the words of ignorant people affect me. Everyone's journey is different. Take a walk in my shoes, I guarantee you, you would have fallen along time ago.

So, Redneck Billy Ray, and everyone else who has those opinions, you can take them, and shove them up your achy breaky ass.

And on that not, I must bid you adieu.

 

So, it's Monday.

After getting on here and reading several other blogs that had weekend fails, I don't feel too bad. I ate junk food like no other this weekend. I put down a whole bag of cheetos. No shame in my game. They were freaking Delicious.

Khaleesi wanted some as well, it wasn't working out for her.

Weekend recap:

On Friday I got off early, Dayton and I went up to the running store. They had me put on some test shoes, and walk/run on their treadmill. Afterwards, they showed me what it looked like when I was done. Let me tell you, I have no clue how I have not snapped my ankles in two. I run completely on the insides of my feet, SEVERE overpronation. I know what you're thinking, because I thought it too. Stop being so fat and that won't happen. Well, we are wrong. My overpronation is how my body absorbs shock. It is just how our bodies are built. They pulled out a couple of shoes for me to try. None of them were working too well. So the lady decides to put me in a men's shoe...... Let me just show you said shoe.

What in the Sketcher's shape up hell is this? No. Just No. And to top it all off, these suckers were $140. Uh, no thanks. For your information, they are called the Beast's by Brooks. Beast. What a lovely delicate name. I told the lady I would think about it, and come back.

I was super discouraged when we left, but I thought that I saw another running store on our way to this one, so we did a U-y. Which brought us to the wonderful Luke's Locker. The man that helped me was extremely nice. He knew exactly what he was talking about. He told me that the beast was a corrective shoe, and that for someone who has never been in a corrective shoe, it probably wasn't a good idea to put them in one. Which thank the Lord, I know my feet need to be comfortable while I run, but can we please add some style?? He brought out a few pairs, he told me that I need to feel like I'm shoe-less. 

That's where the beauts come in. I was so incredibly happy that I found these. I will be using them for the first time today. Hopefully it will improve my running!!

Brooks Women's Adrenaline

I HIGHLY suggest everyone go test their feet. Over 60-70% overpronate. It's important to have that stability and support while running!

Of course, I am NO expert, so what do I know?

Like I said, it is a Monday, I woke up thirty minutes late. Then, while driving to work, my tire pressure light comes on. I have a lovely flat tire. Fingers crossed that we can patch that sucker up.

I have found a new love. It's The Mindy Project.

If you don't watch it, you should. It makes me chuckle. I love shows like that. I recently got on Hulu, have to say, I love it. I don't like the stupid adds, but its better than commercials. If anyone wants to recommend a show for me to watch, I would appreciate it. Dayton is fixing to start working nights, and after my workouts, I will need something to occupy my time. I am not looking forward to it at all, but, it is what it is.

I'm the type of person who will let negativity affect me for about an hour, and then I'm over it. An hour is way too long though. I am negative enough, I don't need others adding onto it. If you don't like what I have to say, don't read my blog. If you have a problem with me, don't be a troll. I am on this journey for ME. No one else. I don't have to explain a decision I make, to ANYONE. Especially people who aren't apart of my life. There is always going to be some speculations about you, and that's fine. I share things on here, because I want to. I am an open book here, because I choose to be. I have shared my faults, numerous times. I will own up to them. Making assumptions really only makes an ass out of YOU. I think since writing this blog, I have changed my perception about things/people. When you start to change your life for the better, you see things differently. I may not have it all together, I certainly don't claim to. But, I also don't share things with people, so they can twist them around. When faced with difficult times, you find out who is really in it for YOU. I don't just sit back and let things happen. I hate confrontation, but if I don't like how I am being treated, I will confront you. And then I move on from the situation. Because that's what life is. One big confrontation. You can sulk, be negative, wish horrible things on people. Or, you can put your big girl panties on, and get over it. That is what I am choosing. To get over everything. I am wiping my slate clean. Pulling up those big girl panties, and releasing all of my anger.

 Here's to a new start.

Here's a parting gift. You're welcome.

And on that note, I must bid you adieu.

Friday and a Giveaway.

Today is FRIDAY!!!

Thank goodness. I have successfully worked out everyday this week. I feel amazing. Either today or tomorrow we are going to head up to Ft. Worth to check out a running store. (Thank you for the recommendations) My shins are killing me. Yesterday I got cray on the elliptical. I danced, as much as you could dance on the elliptical. I can only imagine how awkward it looked from behind. I felt like I was making sweet love to the machine. I don't even care, because it was making sweet love to my calves.

I love when Rigley Photobombs.

Left was Wednesday, Right Yesterday.

Yes I may just post these every week. I am BEYOND proud of myself. And of course I feel the need to brag. PLUS, it doesn't count unless it plastered on social media.

Does anyone else feel like a complete bad ass when they are in the gym? As soon as I pop my headphones in, It's on.

I've added another song to the playlist. It goes extremely hard.

Turn Down For What- By DJ Snake and Lil Jon

Totes amazing. PLUS it's Choo's walkout song.

Today, Big Holly is hosting a Giveaway. Because obviously, she is amazing.

So, go check it out, do what it tells you to do, and maybe you could win some $$$ for Target (pronounced in my french voice, Tarjay)

Click here.

I was planning on starting the DietBet Monday, but that will be delayed. Some jerk decided to steal my card info to pay their bills. So I will be expecting a new card in "up to 10 business days".

I hate that. That is the second time that has happened to me. The first time, someone took over $200 and gave it to a prisoner to make phone calls. Really? You're going to steal MY hard earned money, and give it to a prisoner? Uh. No. Justice was served, the woman was caught. Turns out she had done it several times, and is now in jail. #Sorryboutcha

And on that note, I must bid you adieu!

Weigh in Wednesday

Well, it's that time again. I had been a little upset with myself for my weekend craziness. But, it happened, no sense in dwelling. I have worked my butt off at the gym, I went back to eating the way I was before the Whole30. I have energy. I feel great, especially after just two days. I started a new gym, I love it. They have they treadmills that you can hook your phone up to, and that you can run any course. I just so happened to run in New Zealand yesterday. I know, jealous right?? Yesterday was strictly cardio. I hadn't realized that I didn't shave my armpits... I didn't want people staring at my stumble.. Plus, cardio is probably my favorite way to sweat. Dripping sweat. That part always makes me happy, that's when you know that you are kicking ass.

On the left is Monday, and right Tuesday. I love this watch so much. I set my calorie goal in my head, and this sucker helps me get there. One of the best investments I have ever done.

I really need to get new running shoes. I am incredibly flat footed, the shoes that I have now, start hurting after a while. Any suggestions??

Okay anyways, back to the point.

On Monday morning, I weighed a whopping

266

As of this morning

264

I am so proud that I was able to get half the weight I gained off in just two days. Hopefully by next Wednesday, I will be down the other two.

I had a DietBet going on, since I gained the 4 lbs, I of course lost. But it looks like there is only one winner! So she gets the whole pot. How awesome?? I am wanting to start another one Monday. I will put the link up here.

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant with a girl. I really hope that dream doesn't come true any time soon. I want a baby, very badly. But, I also want to get this weight off of me before I try and have one. I want to be all cute and stuff. I want you to be able to tell that I am pregnant, not just fat. Plus, I don't want to get back up to 300 lbs. Too dangerous.

I honestly don't know how I never noticed how puffy I was all the time. I notice now if I am the slightest bit puffy. I was so incredibly unhealthy. I am not 100% now, but I am a million times better. That person would eat all day every day. I would get chicken express more than 3 times a week. Sometimes twice a day. That person was sick. I would could never understand why I was alone at that point in my life, and now I do. Looking back on the pictures, I was a blob. I never got that until I lost weight. Until I found something better than drowning myself in food. Self confidence and self worth, are way better than that fried chicken. This past month, I have learned so much about myself. No, I don't eat perfect. But, this is a work in progress. I don't eat terribly either. Sometimes I just want to give up, but, giving up is what got me to 317 lbs. Not believing in myself is what got me to 317 lbs. THAT person was weak. In life, you don't get to be weak. You can sit there and pity yourself. You can sit there and feel sorry for yourself, and try to make others feel sorry for you. But what does that do?? It doesn't change your situation.It just makes everyone else around you miserable, and not want to be around you. And honestly, why should anyone feel sorry for you? Unless you have a medical condition, it is your fault. I don't think I ever realized that. I never realized that I did that to myself. I also never realized that I hit 317 lbs, until I was at 317 lbs. In life, we are blinded by so many things. You don't want to come to the realization that you're a 'failure', that you are the issue. It is easier to blame someone else, or something else. Again, pointing fingers doesn't get you out of your situation. The only person that can do that is you. Yes, it is one of the HARDEST things you could ever go through. But, while I was taking pity on myself, I was just digging my whole deeper and deeper. Deeper and deeper into depression. Deeper and deeper into self hate. I never want to hate myself again. To have hate, already weighs heavy on your heart, but to hate yourself? You have to live with yourself. You're the only person you can't walk away from. So, I am running, not from myself, but to towards. To the person I know that I can be, the person I want to be. If you are going to do something, do it with your whole heart. There have been times where my heart just hasn't been in it, so I don't work at it. There won't be any more of those times. I know I will still have my bad days, where I feel ugly and fat, but, I can still pick my ugly fat self up and head to the gym. Everyone has a different story. Everyone copes differently. That's okay. It takes all kinds of kinds to make the world go round. The best stress relief, the best feeling, is when you can't walk out of the gym. If you need an escape, walla. No one is going to bother you, everyone is there to improve themselves. Pop those head phones in and just get lost in the workout. I actually have been looking forward to going to the gym. 

And on that note, I must bid you adieu.  



And the Nominees are....

In the blogging community, you meet some pretty awesome people. One person who I absolutley LOVE is Jasmine @Fleurtyandfit. She is literally one of the sweetest ladies out there, always encouraging me.

Jasmine so graciously nominated me for the Liebster Award. The Liebster Award is something by bloggers for bloggers. It is a way for us bloggers to discover new blogs, meet new people, and promote each other.

RULES:

1.) you must link back to the person who nominated you 
2.) you must answer the 10 Liebster questions given to you by the nominator
3.) you must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award (with a small following)
4.) you must create 10 questions for your nominees
5.) you must notify your nominees

Here are the questions Jasmine had for me.
  1.  What was the first blog you ever read? The first blogs that I ever started reading were Skinny Meg and Mama Laughlin. Both have come such a long way from where they used to be. Meg just had a baby, and she is kicking but to get that baby weight off. Mama is training for a bikini competition at the moment. They both look fabulous. 2. What are your top five pins on Pinterest? Ohhhhh, this one is a toughy. My wedding dress that I have pinned 10 times, for my imaginary someday wedding. My Feyonce shirt. All of my craft pins. I can't just pick one. I will someday actually do them. My motivational quotes. And all of the baby stuff that I have pinned. :)  3. What is your go to easy recipe for dinner each week? I put black beans, corn, and turkey sausage together. And scoop it with blue corn tortilla chips. Takes less than 15 minutes to make. And is amazing. Boyfriend approved. 4. What is your favorite social media site? Facebook, IG, Twitter, others? I'd have to say IG. I don't really get on facebook too much, unless it is to share my blog. Or to make sure I let people know I'm at the gym :) 5. Where do you see your blog in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? I would love to just have more followers. I want to continue writing. This has been such a huge outlet for me. I truly believe that this blog is why I keep pushing forward. I want to inspire people. 6. What is your favorite thing to do for fun? Rangers game. Hands down. Dayton and I went to I think 5 games last year? I would love to go to a lot more this year. 7. Who is your best friend? Ah, this question. Honestly, my best friend is Dayton. 8. How do you promote your blog? #hashtags :) facebook, IG, I also sponsor Jenn @Fatchicktofitchick and Holly @Wherewecanlivelikejackandsally. These ladies are super funny. Jenn has come a longggg way. She has hit her 100 lbs lost mark, and just did a half marathon!! Holly is a hot mess and I love it. She keeps it real. Both are amazing women to follow, and HUGE role models. 9. What is your favorite Disney Movie? This is a tough one. I would have to say Hercules? 10. If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world, with unlimited funds--where would you go? Dayton and I have talked about this. I think probably Ireland. It is gorgeous there, and I could listen to people talk all day long.

Kflabtofab Nominees.......

1. Jasmine @Fleurtyandfit

2. Sam @24to30

3. Emmy @Theswallowflies

4.Whitney @BamaGirl in Az

5. Jess @OperationSkinnyJeans

6. Amber @CraftyHealthyMommy

7. Candra @CamoandLipstick

8. Aubrey Leigh @ALG Uninterrupted

9. Desiree @FindingtheSkinnyGeekWithin

10. Allie @Allieology

All of these ladies are amazing. Each one of them has something in common, bettering themselves. They have all inspired me, now its time they inspire you! Go follow and fall in love like I did :)

Here are my questions for you..

1. What is your favorite workout?

2.What state do you call home?

3. What is your favorite 'cheat' meal?

4. What was the "That's it moment", what made you start your journey? 

5. What has been the hardest part of your journey?

6. Who has been your biggest motivator?

7. What is your favorite quote?

8. What is your favorite book?

9. When you fall off the wagon, how do you pick yourself back up?

10. What do you love most about blogging?

Thank you so much for nominating me Jasmine :)  

So Let's Be Honest....

I cheated. I am a BIG. FAT. CHEATER. I write this blog for myself, I could tell you all "Oh my goodness, my holiday weekend was perfect. I didn't cheat one bit, blah blah blah bullshit bullshit bullshit." Realistically half the people that read this blog, know me. And1/4 of the people, saw what I ate this weekend. So let me just give you a re-cap.

I have decided to stop doing the Whole30 (Shocker, right?) Judge me. The first few days were difficult. Then it got really easy, at least for me. I ate bacon like it was going out of style. Last Tuesday, while I was at the vet I went to stand up, and fell to my knees. I couldn't see anything. I was completely dizzy. This happened twice while I was there. I know it wasn't that I was hungry, because I had just eaten some bacon and eggs. I had felt dizzy on and off. I don't know if it was the lack of carbs? If that's a thing? But I just couldn't do it any more. I ate Subway, and felt amazing. The next morning I woke up and had TONS of energy. I think once I am a lot smaller, I will try the diet again. I wasn't happy with the amount of weight that I had lost. 1 lb each weigh in while being on it. While I was staying in between my calorie goal of 1200-1400 I was losing an average of 4 lbs a week. That is what I want to see. That is what will keep me motivated. You just have to find what works for you, and that's what works for me. I still plan on implementing paleo foods. I found a lot of stuff that I actually like. I want to put some recipes on here. I will gather up some stuff this week. 

Now, on to the weekend.........

Okay, so I made a lot of bad choices over the holiday. Like BAD. 

One of them involving Hot dogs for breakfast, again, judge me. We drove down to Waco to spend the day with family. Where I ate my weight in queso, and orange creamsicle cookies. 

Yesterday, I woke up wanting a breakfast burrito. I then changed my mind to Tator Tots, and a Sausage sandwich from Sonic.  It was freaking Delicious. We then went and spent the day with the in-laws. Where I ate my weight, yet again, in 7 layer dip, and cookie cake. (cookie cake is my favorite, if my wedding cake was a cookie cake, I'd seriously be okay with that.) I then took 7 Layer dip to go, along with a big ass piece of Red Velvet Bundt Cake from Nothing But Bundts. (If you have never been there, I suggest you go.) 

So there you have it. As I look back on it, I really didn't eat THAT much. I'm just used to eating so little, that my stomach was like, bitch calm down. I did however throw up from eating all of the bad foods. I am not proud to admit this, but toilet water splashed in my eye. If I get pink eye, I gonna be PISSED. 

Let's talk about the damage. 4 lbs. Yup. I did it. I gained 4 effin' lbs. I am back on my grind today. I am going to go workout, I plan on burning no less than 1000 calories while I am at the gym. I won't leave until I do! I am ready to get back in this.

For the past few days, I have let thoughts enter my mind. I try and push them out, but they always creep back in. I saw a billboard the other day. "Weight loss surgery starting at $4,900". That instantly pissed me off, it was an advertisement from the surgeon that did my surgery. Naturally, I felt jipped, and had to go look. While I was looking for this so called $4,900, I found a weight loss revision procedure. I was curious. I read a little about it. It stated that if you have failed at your first attempt at weightloss surgery, or didn't lose as much as you wanted to, then this procedure was for you. I am always looking for fast ways. Who isn't? I won't say that it is an easy way out. Because it is not, and if you think that, you can get bent. I have been through it. It was the hardest thing I have ever put myself through. I was on a liquid diet for a month. It is just so mentally shocking. I went from eating Mucho Nachos and 4-5 brisket roll-ups to half a thing of the Mac-N-Cheese cups. It may not sound like a big deal, but when you go 20 years with an eating disorder, its a HUGE deal.  

I still keep debating on sending in my video for the biggest loser. The deadline is May 2nd. I guess I am just at odds with myself.

I am scared that I can't do this. That I will always sabotage myself in some way.

I just want to be happy in my own skin.

I want to have to search for criticism.

Queen Abee. My favorite thing is giving her something. It doesn't matter what it is, she takes a hold of it, and INSTANTLY falls in love. She knows no evil. To her, the end of the world is " You can't have that cookie". I envy that. I love her so much.

This is probably my favorite picture in the whole world. Kynlee Shae is perfect, from her head to her toes.

Dayton and I with the 'Easter Bunny'. I look so puffy. I cannot wait to look at a picture of myself and not focus on my damn gut.

It is time for celebration!!!!!

If you watch Game of Thrones, you are as happy as I am. I seriously don't think I have ever hated a character as much as I hate him. I just watched last weeks episode, so of course it is not news to anyone else. But, it is to me. I almost wanted to cry, happy tears of course. His death was beautiful.

And on that note, I must bid you adieu.